Happiness

Is it just me or it feels like i don't deserve happiness? Every time I feel happy or someone makes me feel appreciated, special and that my presence on earth is not a burden to everyone, a minute later I am back in hell. It has been a tough 2015 for me and I am honestly emotionally, physically and mentally tired. I had to go through so many physical and emotional pain this year, I feel worthless and alone honestly. My best friend is now far far away from me and I just feel like I have lost the only person that can make me feel better just by sitting next to me and smoke together. It just feels like one o those days where i have an emotional breakdown and i just want to put an end to everything that is hurting me.