Weird desires

Lately I've been having weird desires or maybe like an out of the blue desires. I don't know why do I crave for these because I don't even like some of it.

 

1) I have this desire to go to the beach. It's not like a normal 'oh I haven't gone to the beach in a while and I miss it'. It feels like I've been missing the beach for ages and also it feels like my soul is somehow stranded there.

2) I have this desire to ride those huge bikes like a scrambler or a super bike perhaps, and go on a trip along the never ending highway at dawn. And news flash I'm scared of riding bikes I'm serious, the last time I ride a bike was like 2 or 3 years ago and it was just around my housing area (never ever further from here)

3) constantly want to be left alone or just be quiet. Loud noises makes me flinch and I'm usually the one making them, I just feel like punching or shoving my fist down someone's throat if they scream or I find them irritating. Thank god I know how to control my anger.

4) I feel like beating the crap out of everyone except for my family. It feels like I can even murder someone if I don't mind being in prison for the rest of my life or go to hell (not like I'm going to heaven) 

5) craving for those days where I just sneak out of the house and go to the park at dawn ( I haven't care about those damn days for months but now it's back again) and look at stars but i can't because it brings me back painful memories. 

6) I just want to stay in my room all day long and stay in bed and sleep everything off. To sleep the pain away, the sadness away, the anger away, the life away.

7) road trips in cars for hours without knowing where I'm actually heading to and stop at the side of a cliff or highway and just stay there till the sun risses.

8) cliff diving. I don't even dare to dive into the freaking swimming pool.

But most importantly though, people may want to this with their bestfriends or sisters or something. Not me though I just want to be alone, I want to do all of that alone although it's dangerous I don't really give a shit about myself anymore because I feel completely alone no matter who's around me. I feel completely alone and unimportant, I feel like someone just snatch my soul, emotions and heart away and lock it in a box and burry it deep down in the ocean.